My life, thus far.

Regarding school:
(This might bore some of you)
I have been taking night classes, and loving the experiences that I'm gathering from them. For my "Intro to Seconday Education" class that I mentioned in my prior post, we have to observe 10 hours at a school and service the community for 10 hours. Now, for most of you, this probably seems a bit dull. However, I'm more excited about this than I have been about anything in a very long time. I received the placement of Centennial High School's art department for my observation hours. I can also use my community service hours at this school for a combined total of 20 hours. I'm so excited to talk with teacher about her lesson plans and how she goes about her days.

Regarding lifestyle:

Most of the time, I'm at the gym, training for the half marathon in December or training for UNLV's swim team for the spring. I'm also considering doing a 50 mile bike ride through Red Rock in October, but for right now, it's just a thought. I think pushing my body to this limit has been providing me with a new take on things. I've been pushing my body to it's limits, proving over and over again that I can do things that I really didn't think I could.

I've been trying to live by the philosophy of, "Do something new everyday." So far, it's nice.

Why do I want to be a teacher?

I have my "Intro to Secondary Education" class on Wednesday nights from 6:00 pm to 8:50 pm. To be perfectly honest, it's about as exciting as it sounds. Meaning: not a lot. The teacher is boring and the class is full of people that I would NOT want teaching the next generation, but I digress.
That class is one of the hardest classes...to stay awake in. My mind wanders. My legs get antsy. My butt falls asleep. Overall, it's not a good experience. However, the thing that most intrigued me was this question: "Why do you want to be a teacher?" A common question brought up in the teaching department. Most of the answers were the usual, "I like working with kids," or, "I have the freedom to teach how I want," and so on and so forth. The rest of the class, my mind was elsewhere. My mind was off constructing every reason why I desire to have this profession.

Tangent:
When I went into college, I was a Marketing major with a minor in International Business. Too much math. Next. I then changed to an Advertising Major with a minor in International Business. However, I soon realized that being in advertisement meant swaying people in one direction or another to buy your product. I didn't want to persuade people. I didn't want to end up lying to people. So that's when some self analyzation had to come into play. What would I do with my life? What COULD I do with my life? Then I remembered that first day of 8th grade art, and walking into that art classroom.


And that's all it took for me to realize what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted other people/students to feel the way I did. I wanted students to realize that there was more to life than just passing through it, trying to get to the destination. My AP art teacher taught me this: "Life is not about the destination, it's about the journey." It's not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself. I want students to realize that art is all around them, like I did when my Art History teacher took us to Chicago. I started noticing that everything around me was about art and about appreciation. I wanted students to feel inspired...and thrilled...and overwhelmed. I want them to enjoy at least a little bit of their school day, if that's the smallest part that I could offer.

I hope I can do these things. I hope I can shape and mold the next generation into a more enlightened youth. I want to leave a mark on the world, and this is how I'm going to do it.

My weight, my body type, and how I am built.

It has been aggravating me lately. I am sick of being self-conscious of my body.
I think what set me off is what I received yesterday. In my formspring question box, I received a statement. This is the first thing that made me mad. A STATEMENT on a QUESTION website. Whatever. I guess people will just do what they please regardless of what I say. Anyways, it said, "You have big arms." 
Are you kidding me?! Really? I've got a lot of arm, but they aren't in any way, "big". I always joke with people and tell them that I have a lot of appendage. That I am a big girl.  It's because it's true. I am about to hit 5'10". I'm almost there, however, since I'm not, I still say that I am 5'9". (It's a girl thing). 
Listen people, I am a tall girl. It happens. It makes me uncomfortable, but THERE IS NOTHING THAT I CAN DO ABOUT IT. I have long arms to accompany that. I have really long legs. And guess what? I weigh A LOT more than most girls do. I wear a size 10 pant. On a good day, a size 8. I am kicking my own ass, trying to get down to a size 6, but guess what? I am NEVER going to be smaller than that. My bone structure is not built for that. I will never be model material. I will never be a size 0. 
But here's another fun fact. I am hot. I am attractive. And I'm a bigger girl, but I have to be okay with that. I'm not petite and I'm not skinny, nor will I ever be. 


Katherine Heigl said: I'm a real woman, a real size .. well I don't even know what size I am. Between 4 and 6, depending on the day. I am not perfect. 


So anybody who thinks otherwise, I have something to say to you. Blow me. 

Rant about tickets and the police department in general.

My mother called me today regarding 2 postcards that she received in the mail. One dated the 23rd of August and the other dated the 24th of August. They both pertained to a ticket that I received in May. I had set up a payment plan on this ticket so I would only have to make $100 payments every month for about 4 months. The payment was due the 20th of August. It was processed the 21st of August. You know what that allows the courts/police force to do? Issue a warrant out for my arrest because the payment was 1 day late. Oh, but that's not even the best part. The BEST part is that they can tack on another $85 to my ticket to get the warrant dropped OR I can pay the rest of my ticket in full. All depending on if I would rather pay $265 now, or $350 over the course of 3 months. All of this because it took 1 day of processing.
This is Las Vegas, and they have nothing better to do than worry about a traffic violation? Don't you have some rapists to pick up, or some gun-toting people to taze?
I want to take a big pile of dog poop, light it on fire, and set it on the court steps one Monday morning. However, I'm classier than that and will just pay my ticket in full. Take that.

My heart.

This blog is solely for me. If no one wants to read it, that's fine. If it's one that interests someone, then by all means, please do. I won't broadcast it and I won't ask people to read it. It just so happens that it's a revelation I've had in the past few days. It becomes more apparent everyday.

Every person I have ever met, whether it be a friend, a boyfriend, a family member, or an acquaintance, has taken a piece of my heart. I have given them a part of me, some more than others. My problem isn't that I try to please everyone, it's that I give a piece of my heart to everyone. It's why I can't let go of certain issues I've had in the past. It's why I can't let go of people. It's why I can never give my heart fully to someone. It's because there is nothing to give. It's not there. It's not there; however it's not gone yet either. You'd think I would've run out by now, but I haven't. I still try to give, and I still try to please. This is what worries me the most. What if fate is going to put this strong revelation in front of my face which alters my lifestyle? What if it has to be serious enough for me to finally make a change in how I feel?

I've broken family members hearts, I've broken boyfriend's hearts, and I've broken friend's hearts, but in the process, I've shattered mine. I care. It hurts. It's just not simple anymore.

Swimming.

As of lately, I've been training to get back into swimming. I've missed it more than I thought I would. I keep replaying swim meets in my head. I keep replaying the early morning work outs that we all dreaded. But most of all, I keep replaying the insanity of the sport and how refreshing and intoxicating it was. The screams of "Go! Go! Go!" keep ringing through my head and the muffled sounds that would come from within the water. I remember the pink faces gasping for air during the 500 freestyle race. I miss all of it.

I understand that I was never the best in high school, however, I do have one thing that I am better at than anyone. Passion. So the training commences. For all the swimmers out there who will understand this workout (that I will be doing everyday), begin to groan for/with me.

500 Free (basic warm-up)
200 Flutter kick
200 Backstroke
200 Breast stroke
100 Butterfly
100 Flutter Kick (right hand lead arm)
100 Flutter Kick (left hand lead arm)
100 Butterfly Kick
100 Flutter Kick

But that's just to get my heart rate up. Here are the things that I will be timing myself on.

200 Medley
100 Freestyle
100 Backstroke
100 Breast stroke
50 Butterfly

And here is my warm down.

200 Freestyle
100 Flutter Kick

So that is what I will be doing for the next few months. Training for hours a day, trying to be better than I was in high school. And I'm doing this all without a coach, so I need more encouragement than ever. If you have any swim meet training thoughts, please let me know. I hope for the best and I'll try my best. I want to wear the stupid garb again. The cap, the goggles, and the Speedo. Unpopularity, here I come.

My hiatus.

So many of you may or may not have recently noticed my hiatus...for about 2 weeks. I can explain myself, I swear.

Mister and I split things off. And who better to quote than Shakespeare about such an ordeal. "These violent delights have violent ends." And that's exactly how it ended...very violently. We could never seem to find a point in which we agreed "eye-to-eye" about, and one of those points, simply blew up, spun out of control, caught fire, and landed in an elementary school, in which it set that ablaze... You get the general idea. To sum it up, it ended horribly, with nasty things said and tears shed.
So the best friend and I decided to do anything to cheer me up. It all came down to the beach. We went to San Diego. We went to Coronado Beach. We ate so much that our stomachs hurt, and with these expanded stomachs, still laid on the beach to acquire a nice tan.
We went over the weekend, a harmless weekend trip. However, when I got back, I knew it wasn't going to be enough. So I went to Austin, Texas to visit my other best friend. He housed me in his "fancy shmancy" apartment. We went tubing, courtesy of his friend. We went kayaking. We laughed. All in all, I had an absolute wonderful 2 weeks.

I'm still a little hurt over Mister. That much, is certain. However, getting out of town was a necessity and now I can re-analyze my life...again. Wish me luck.