Patience

One minute I can be completely content...the next I want to cry. One minute I can be fully motivated...the next, I just want to sit here with an attitude of, "What's the point?" I go back and forth on my emotions every two seconds... and it's tiring. I want to be determined, to just know. But I don't. I can be completely repulsed about something and then want to curl up with it showing it the love it deserves.

I'm tired. I'm restless. I can't get a single wink of sleep because all my dreams consist of "what if?" and "should've done that" and "could've done that". But when I wake up? It's all the same. I start the same day over again, awaiting this determination. I'm waiting for it to find me. In all honesty, I have to go searching for it. But for now, I'll wait. There's not much else to do. Patience is a virtue, right?

If you find yourself in a Horror Movie situation...

1. Trust no one.

2. Never walk towards the loud noise that comes from another room

3. Virgins die last...so you're safe if that's the case.

4. The black "brothas" die first...you're not safe.

5. You're NEVER alone.

6. Locking the doors means nothing.

7. When you find someone huddled in the corner, don't go up to them and ask for help.

8. Run away from the creepy house, not into it.

9. If you are a hot girl...try and keep your clothes on.

10. Just because the person got stabbed, don't leave them behind...that doesn't automatically mean they're dead.

11. When someone says "Stay here." STAY THERE. Don't get all curious. Investigation got people dead.

12. When the supernatural comes into play, you're basically screwed either way. So just pray that no ghosts start popping out.

13. Don't have sex...that's automatic death.

14. When you think that killer is dead...he's not. He always comes back.

15. NEVER fall asleep.

16. If there is a thunderstorm outside...something bad is about to go down. Pre-plan accordingly.

17. The more lights you turn on, the better.

18. Never take a babysitting job, that never leads to anything good.

19. Never say, "I'll be right back." You WON'T be right back.

20. Don't be the hero.

21. No matter how fast you run, the killer WILL catch you just by walking.

Thirteen

There is this movie called "Thirteen". I'm sure most of you have heard of it. If you haven't, it's a story of this girl (Tracy), who is thirteen, and befriends the popular girl in school (Evey). How does she befriend her? She has to prove herself by stealing, lying, and ditching her other friends. Evey basically lives with her after that. They snort perscription medication, they drink, they smoke, they cheat, they have sex...all when they are thirteen. This movie is one of my favorites, not because it's dark and excellently filmed, but because it brings me back to reality. There are thirteen year olds out there that do this. Me at thirteen? I was too busy being awkward and dreaming of holding a boy's hand. Hugging? Yeah, that was a big deal to me.

Just thought I would share.

Would you Rather?

You would rather fight with me than have any happy last memories.

Old Age.

I'm not near being old. I'm only 20 and can't even drink legally, so no, I don't think I'm old. I do, however, miss the days of being young. The day I turned 16 and was legally able to drive. The day I got my braces off and felt prettier then ever. The days where I wore ribbons in my hair and worried about someone reading my journal that was stuffed in my locker. I miss those regular orthodontist visits. I miss having to text my parents my whereabouts every 15 minutes. I miss waking up and trying to fake sick because I really didn't want to go to school that day. Just some of the things that I wish I could revisit.

Recliner and To-Go orders

I'll start with this thought first, mostly because it's the most pointless and above all, it was a brilliant idea. I moved my recliner into my bedroom and now use it as a computer chair. Done. Best idea I've ever had. Yeah, I had to take it apart to fit through the door and I can't recline all the way..but my butt sure is comfy.

Second thought:

I was sitting at Chili's waiting for my to-go order and I had been sitting there for probably 5 minutes or so. They came over and offered me a free drink while I waited, but I refused because I wasn't going to be there for much longer. This man that had came in before me was sitting next to me and they asked him if he wanted a drink as well. He accepted. Now, I'm a snoop, so I looked down at his receipt and realized that he had a similar order to mine. I figured, he'll probably get his first. He had one order, I had one order, he had been sitting there longer than me...makes sense, right? Now start taking notes! Because I had refused their free drink, all of the Chili's personnel were worried that I wasn't comfortable. They seriously asked me 3 or 4 more times if I wanted a drink. They were sincerely worried that I was peeved. In reality...I just didn't want to hold a cold drink in my hands when it was 55 degrees outside. I ended up getting my food before the man did. Surprising, eh? I just found this interesting. They hustled to get me my food because I wasn't sitting there with a free-be in my hands, sucking it down. I didn't look like a comfortable customer.

Moral? You can get results a lot faster if you don't take the sugar-coated bull that comes before it.

Remember?

I remember the good times. The great times. That's all I see. I don't look at how it ended. I don't look at our fights. I don't think I ever will. I don't remember the rambles of irritation. I don't remember the annoyed texts. I just remember the ones that said, "I love you." "I miss you." "I want to be with you."

Remember those? I know you are reading this. So, hi.

I remember the mornings waking up, seeing you there, and just smiling. I remember snuggling up because close was never close enough. I remember hearing your strained voice as you were trying to wake up, the annoyance that lied in it. The constant, "Wake up! Wake up!" annoyed you to no end, but it was the "wake up" of christmas morning. It was the excitement that lie in the day ahead..with you.

I remember the evenings of cooking dinner. You'd ask me to step aside because you knew I would burn it. I'd sit on the counter, watching you with that towel draped over your left shoulder and wondering how I got so lucky. I'd ask you if you needed help, I would chop the onion...the wrong way...and you just smiled.

I remember the nights that I felt so loved, just because you held me in that way. We would be lying on the couch, a typical night, and watch a movie. "Am I squishing you?" You'd give me that look and respond, "You could and would never squish me.." and smile.

I can't remember the fighting. It's all drowned out by all the great that happened. I wish you could remember that too.