Travel.

I'm sitting at work, effortlessly scanning through the endless world of the internet.
Often, I find myself wishing to be other places, i.e. Bali, Finland, Iceland, etc. Naturally, I'm looking up travel deals for these places. I like to find out prices of things, planning my fake vacations that might turn to reality in about...30 years. All of this fantasies led me to this one webpage.  A family-owned, family-operated island, off the coast of Honduras, called Sandy Cay, which you can rent for $100/night (minimum of 2 nights). Do you hear me? You can rent...a private island (about the size of a football field)...for $100...

I immediately looked up airfare.

I want to go.

I will never be fully satisfied in living in one place for the rest of my life. If I could cram in as much exploration before I'm too old and tired to walk, I would still seek out adventures in my HoverRound. I want nothing more than to see what the world has to offer. Moscow, Reykjavik, Saariselka, Tokyo, Sydney, Bali, Utila town: I'm coming for you.

Reinvention.

I like to reinvent my blog from time to time. Something that fits my personality or my feelings at this moment. I'm sure most of you are tired of it and are saying to yourselves, "Katie...please figure it out."

Well, that is exactly what I plan to do. I'm reinventing my blog into my therapy. It will be my therapist, and everyone else can diagnose me. I have no idea what this new idea might bring up. Old thoughts, new feelings, past actions, previous experiences. I hope that I can keep all entertained.

Thankful.

I know it's past Thanksgiving and usually people share what they are thankful for around that time, however, when it comes to the month of December, I can't help but realize how great life is. So tonight, I make my list. The list that shares with you what I am thankful for.

-I am thankful for my job, it's a great opportunity and putting it on my resume definitely looks great in the long run. Also, having a paycheck guaranteed every other week is a plus.
-I am thankful that I am able to live rent free in a house.
-I am thankful for my POS car. It lets me express myself with all the obnoxious amounts of peace signs that cover it.
-I am thankful for my parents. They have put up with me through good times and bad.
-I am thankful for my 21st birthday coming up, it's been long awaited. :)
-I'm thankful for my friends, each and every one of them loves me for who I am, not the person I try to be on a regular basis.
-I am thankful for my intellect. It gets me by on a daily basis.
-I am thankful for all my basic "necessities" that some people go without. (i.e. cell phone, clothes, etc.)
-Most of all, I am thankful for my life. I was given a second chance almost a year ago, and however dark that time of my life might've been, I wouldn't give up the memories I've made or the people I've met in the past year.

It has restored my faith. I may not fully believe in Christianity like I used to or God, but I definitely believe that some higher power out there loves me and wants what's best for me. I just have to learn to embrace that.

Bitching and Moaning.

I'm sitting here, half asleep, and all of a sudden, I perk up. I'm pissed. You know what I'm pissed about? The human condition. The human condition thinking that we are all special. Tyler Durden said it best.

"You are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world."

Listen here, sweetheart. You're NOT an intellectual. You're NOT smart. You're NOT an exceptional human being. The world WILL keep turning. So go ahead...come up with your cute little mantras. Please, read me your latest "enlightenment". Oh pretty please! I want to know every detail of what goes on in that little head of yours over a social networking site. PLEASE!

...gag me.

Here is what I want from you. I want you to get a life. I want you to go somewhere, maybe Ethiopia, and experience REAL pain or hunger...or something that a spoiled rotten brat...like yourself...knows not of, Then get back to me. I would like to know your insights then. I would love to hear about how your brain is filled with all of these complexities.

I wonder, hypothetically, if I toppled you over, would your ego hit the ground first? Or would all we hear is the echo of a hollow head as came to a screeching halt against the floor...with you sputtering off some useless knowledge?


"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else." -Tyler Durden

The Fantasy.

She had walked up to the counter at the airport, looking at the smiling attendant.
"Hello, where are you traveling to today?"
"DFW Airport, please. First available flight."
"You're in luck, 3 seats left. They're boarding now, you'll have to hurry." She handed the woman her credit card, and a swift charge was place on the piece of plastic. As she passed through security and on to the gate where she would soon be on her way, she struggled to keep her fear from showing. This was unlike her to show up at someone's house unannounced, let alone, his house.
The 3 hour flight to her destination was quiet. She prayed that a baby would start screaming, or a movie would be shown, or a pesky passenger would chatter away next to her, but she was out of luck. Nothing was interrupting her thought process.
What would she say? Would he tell her to leave? She had everything planned out, but soon realized that not everything plays out according to plan. Panic set in as the flight attendant came over the loud speaker.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are preparing our final descent into the metroplex. Make sure your trays are in the upright and locked position and please have your seatbelts fastened. We will be on the ground in 15 minutes."
She went over the plan in her head one last time. Taxi. Phone Call. Drop off. Suitcase in tow. Doorbell. 
"Oh dear god." She repeatedly whispered to herself as she walked through the airport and to the information desk.
"I need a taxi or shuttle, please." The lady looked at her, smiled, and replied,
"Yes, where is your destination?"
She spouted off his address, one that she surprisingly remembered, and gave her the piece of plastic.Such a handy item, she thought. So easily used, so easily lost.
She sat outside on the bench, waiting for her taxi to arrive. Again she repeated the plan.Taxi. Phone Call. Drop off. Suitcase in tow. Doorbell.
She saw the yellow cab pull up. She looked at the man at the information desk, who signaled her to the car. This was, indeed, her chariot. She climbed in, repeated the address to the man, and was on her way. Her suitcase was clutched in her lap, her pale hands enveloping it. This was it. There was no turning back now. The money was spent, the car ride was happening, and the wheels of fate were turning.
At last, the car pulled up to his house. The same as she remembered. She thanked the man and stepped out. One last step was all that was necesssary. Doorbell.
Her heels upon the sidewalk made a loud sound as she approached. Her finger pressed the small button.
She could hear the ruffling of shoes against tile and the padlock unlock as the door opened. His face turned white behind the screen door that now separated them.
The only thing he could mutter was, "What are you doing here?"

"Choose me," was all that left her lips.

At last, she woke up. Her life was exactly as it had been. No flight had been taken, her bank account was still full, and no knowledge of her existence was thought of by him. He was unaware of how she felt and what she fantasized about doing. She wanted to have the courage to board that plane more than anything; however, another day of work and school awaited. She climbed out of her warm bed, proceeded to the bathroom, and began another day of repetition.

Apathy.

If I thought that I could write something interesting right now, I would.
The truth is, nothing critical/interesting/fun has happened in my life lately. I'm in a funk, I suppose.

Nothing has excited me. Nothing has made me happy. Nothing has made me sad. Nothing has really made me feel anything besides apathetic. A long time ago, I wrote about how I wish I could make my feelings disappear. Well, they have. I really haven't felt much of anything in the past few weeks. I haven't been driven to write, or to draw, or to laugh, or anything.

I guess you get the picture. The truth is, when I made that wish, I was beyond sad. It was grief, heartbreak, and loneliness. And now, I can't feel anything. So the conclusion that I'm trying to get to right now, don't make a wish like that. It hurts more than anything to not feel at all.

I believe...

I read thing today and really liked it. Thought I would share.

I Believe...
That just because two people argue, It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.
I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I Believe....
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life..
I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them..

I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...
That we are responsible for what
We do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe....
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...
That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up..

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe....
That even when you think you have no more to give, when
A friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.