Awkward.

I truly believe with my whole heart that I am awkward. People that have to get to know, see me as funny. For example, ex-roommates, co-workers, internet friends. They see me as the girl that will cheer them up when they are crying, and does a great job doing so. I play things off as light-hearted, can easily "pull myself together", and can almost offer any advice to mend a broken heart. However, this is only with the people who really know me. If you are one of those people, you will probably be surprised by this blog. "Wow, Katie, you're not awkward." No, but really, I am. Let me explain it a little further.

When strangers come up to me asking for help, hitting on me, or to just be friendly, I honestly have no idea what to do. I smile really wide, crinkle my eyes, and stutter a lot. "Um, I-I-I think that the gas station is around th- oh wait--no it's um--yeah." That is really what I will say to a stranger. An exact quote. I look like an idiot. I have blonde hair, an empty expression, and I stutter. I mean, what would you think?

Every now and then, I can put on the social facade. I'm really good at it too...but I have to prepare. How stupid is that? I have to prepare to be social...but I do. It's when people bombard me and catch me when I'm not prepared, that's when the awkwardness settles in.

Also, I tend to say things people shouldn't say. I do things that normal people don't do. I am not politically correct half the time, and when I try to make a funny comment about something, 50% of the time, it's not even heard. So, I'm sitting there laughing at what I said, and everyone else is carrying on with their own conversation. It's that nervous laugh that you have to inevitably act like never existed. You realize no one thought it was funny, you turn around, and resume what you were doing...because you just embarrassed yourself.

I just thought I would share.