The Uncertainty factor

My Dad used to say to me as far back as I can remember,

"Is there any gray area?" It was always supposed to be black and white. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Yes or no. Somehow that philosophy never set well with me, nor did it actually instill within me.

He now jokes about,

"Katie, you live for the gray area." Yes, I do. I love the gray area. There are all those questions out there that if they were answered in a black and white way..they would be simple...they would be yes or no answers. Sometimes a simple yes or no just doesn't cover it. Sometimes a deeper look is needed. Sometimes we need to give people second or third chances before we are finally able to give that solid answer.

No, a solid answer is what I fret. One, I hate decision making and two, I hate making decisions. These are the things that keep me awake at night. I know what I should do, but is it going to be the right thing to do? Am I wrong? What if everything stays in this gray cloudy-like state, could that be the right thing to do? But you can't freeze time, and that's what I inevitably have to learn. At one point in that gray area you have to take a sharp left or right in the direction that's needed. I resent being the driver of this vehicle...this vehicle of decision making. Yes or no. Good or bad. Right or wrong. They are so permanent, so final.

So in the midst of these finalities, what should I do? Should I stick to my old habits or start giving these final answers? I don't know if I can or if I should even start. I don't know if it's right or if it's wrong. See? There I go with my gray area again.

I'm off to ponder.