Learning and Understanding.

I question everything. Nothing has ever been good enough for me at face value. A character flaw? I'd say so.

I would love to be the type of person who accepts things at face value. Things would be easier. I wouldn't pry for more. I wouldn't care anymore than I already did, but all in all, I would be naive.

The thing is...is that's not who I am.

I want to learn more. I want to understand everything. I need to understand everything. Scream, yell, say hurtful things...as long as I understand. Don't keep me in the dark.

What I want.

“Just because I’m losing, doesn’t mean I’m lost."


I don’t mind a little pain every now and then. Not the physical kind, but the mental? I welcome it. It makes you stronger, it makes you tougher, and it makes what you are working for so much...more. Life is like an obstacle course and when you make it to the end, you lift your hands up in a triumphant glory and you acknowledge the fact that YOU did it. You didn’t take any shortcuts, you didn’t back down, and you persevered. What’s the fun in running a race knowing that you will win? Wouldn’t you want those things?
I know that I want to go out in a blaze of glory, but with that comes those trials. I want the tribulations to arrive, sooner than I can get to them. Why? Because I want the uncertainty that not everything will run smoothly. I want to wonder if I’m going to make it through to the next day. I want it all.
I won’t give up easily and I won’t back down. Bring it on.

Give.

"No one told me the right way, the right way to go about this so I'll figure it out for myself. Cause how much is too much to give you? Well I may never know so I'll just give until there's nothing else."

I give everyone the full story of me when I meet them. I don't think twice about it. I'm the "you get what you see" type of person. I don't judge. I don't think badly of a person until they give me a reason to.

People have taken advantage of who I am. They have taken the "truths" about me, turned it against me, and thrown it in my face. They feel as though this might prove that they are better than me? That their actions are somehow justified if they hit my sore spot... just one more time.

I am better than you.

I'm still going to give people all of me. This might not be the safest way to live. This is a way to get hurt over and over again, but this is also a way to find out who people are. The real way. You are not my friend. Do not fake it and do not mask it.

Leave it all behind.

"I walk the line, leave it all behind."

We need to move forward. Leave the past exactly where it is, in the past. If you let your past dictate your future, then you will inevitably live in fear. Breathe, Experience, and Live. That's all you can do.

Consumed.

"Consumed with what's to transpire."

Sometimes people are so consumed with what's to come, with what might happen that we don't stop to appreciate things that are happening in the present. We think too much. We worry too much. We stress too much. It is our human nature to be curious for what the future holds, but to be so concerned with it that we are consumed, is something completely different. I am consumed. 

The future is a scary place, the very reason I am so concerned with it's outcome. There will always be something waiting for me down the road. I like to be in control of things that I can control, but the not knowing? That's something that I will never be able to control. I am consumed with what's to transpire.