I'm sitting here, half asleep, and all of a sudden, I perk up. I'm pissed. You know what I'm pissed about? The human condition. The human condition thinking that we are all special. Tyler Durden said it best.
"You are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world."
Listen here, sweetheart. You're NOT an intellectual. You're NOT smart. You're NOT an exceptional human being. The world WILL keep turning. So go ahead...come up with your cute little mantras. Please, read me your latest "enlightenment". Oh pretty please! I want to know every detail of what goes on in that little head of yours over a social networking site. PLEASE!
...gag me.
Here is what I want from you. I want you to get a life. I want you to go somewhere, maybe Ethiopia, and experience REAL pain or hunger...or something that a spoiled rotten brat...like yourself...knows not of, Then get back to me. I would like to know your insights then. I would love to hear about how your brain is filled with all of these complexities.
I wonder, hypothetically, if I toppled you over, would your ego hit the ground first? Or would all we hear is the echo of a hollow head as came to a screeching halt against the floor...with you sputtering off some useless knowledge?
"Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else." -Tyler Durden
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Fantasy.
She had walked up to the counter at the airport, looking at the smiling attendant.
"Hello, where are you traveling to today?"
"DFW Airport, please. First available flight."
"You're in luck, 3 seats left. They're boarding now, you'll have to hurry." She handed the woman her credit card, and a swift charge was place on the piece of plastic. As she passed through security and on to the gate where she would soon be on her way, she struggled to keep her fear from showing. This was unlike her to show up at someone's house unannounced, let alone, his house.
The 3 hour flight to her destination was quiet. She prayed that a baby would start screaming, or a movie would be shown, or a pesky passenger would chatter away next to her, but she was out of luck. Nothing was interrupting her thought process.
What would she say? Would he tell her to leave? She had everything planned out, but soon realized that not everything plays out according to plan. Panic set in as the flight attendant came over the loud speaker.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are preparing our final descent into the metroplex. Make sure your trays are in the upright and locked position and please have your seatbelts fastened. We will be on the ground in 15 minutes."
She went over the plan in her head one last time. Taxi. Phone Call. Drop off. Suitcase in tow. Doorbell.
"Oh dear god." She repeatedly whispered to herself as she walked through the airport and to the information desk.
"I need a taxi or shuttle, please." The lady looked at her, smiled, and replied,
"Yes, where is your destination?"
She spouted off his address, one that she surprisingly remembered, and gave her the piece of plastic.Such a handy item, she thought. So easily used, so easily lost.
She sat outside on the bench, waiting for her taxi to arrive. Again she repeated the plan.Taxi. Phone Call. Drop off. Suitcase in tow. Doorbell.
She saw the yellow cab pull up. She looked at the man at the information desk, who signaled her to the car. This was, indeed, her chariot. She climbed in, repeated the address to the man, and was on her way. Her suitcase was clutched in her lap, her pale hands enveloping it. This was it. There was no turning back now. The money was spent, the car ride was happening, and the wheels of fate were turning.
At last, the car pulled up to his house. The same as she remembered. She thanked the man and stepped out. One last step was all that was necesssary. Doorbell.
Her heels upon the sidewalk made a loud sound as she approached. Her finger pressed the small button.
She could hear the ruffling of shoes against tile and the padlock unlock as the door opened. His face turned white behind the screen door that now separated them.
The only thing he could mutter was, "What are you doing here?"
"Choose me," was all that left her lips.
At last, she woke up. Her life was exactly as it had been. No flight had been taken, her bank account was still full, and no knowledge of her existence was thought of by him. He was unaware of how she felt and what she fantasized about doing. She wanted to have the courage to board that plane more than anything; however, another day of work and school awaited. She climbed out of her warm bed, proceeded to the bathroom, and began another day of repetition.
"Hello, where are you traveling to today?"
"DFW Airport, please. First available flight."
"You're in luck, 3 seats left. They're boarding now, you'll have to hurry." She handed the woman her credit card, and a swift charge was place on the piece of plastic. As she passed through security and on to the gate where she would soon be on her way, she struggled to keep her fear from showing. This was unlike her to show up at someone's house unannounced, let alone, his house.
The 3 hour flight to her destination was quiet. She prayed that a baby would start screaming, or a movie would be shown, or a pesky passenger would chatter away next to her, but she was out of luck. Nothing was interrupting her thought process.
What would she say? Would he tell her to leave? She had everything planned out, but soon realized that not everything plays out according to plan. Panic set in as the flight attendant came over the loud speaker.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are preparing our final descent into the metroplex. Make sure your trays are in the upright and locked position and please have your seatbelts fastened. We will be on the ground in 15 minutes."
She went over the plan in her head one last time. Taxi. Phone Call. Drop off. Suitcase in tow. Doorbell.
"Oh dear god." She repeatedly whispered to herself as she walked through the airport and to the information desk.
"I need a taxi or shuttle, please." The lady looked at her, smiled, and replied,
"Yes, where is your destination?"
She spouted off his address, one that she surprisingly remembered, and gave her the piece of plastic.Such a handy item, she thought. So easily used, so easily lost.
She sat outside on the bench, waiting for her taxi to arrive. Again she repeated the plan.Taxi. Phone Call. Drop off. Suitcase in tow. Doorbell.
She saw the yellow cab pull up. She looked at the man at the information desk, who signaled her to the car. This was, indeed, her chariot. She climbed in, repeated the address to the man, and was on her way. Her suitcase was clutched in her lap, her pale hands enveloping it. This was it. There was no turning back now. The money was spent, the car ride was happening, and the wheels of fate were turning.
At last, the car pulled up to his house. The same as she remembered. She thanked the man and stepped out. One last step was all that was necesssary. Doorbell.
Her heels upon the sidewalk made a loud sound as she approached. Her finger pressed the small button.
She could hear the ruffling of shoes against tile and the padlock unlock as the door opened. His face turned white behind the screen door that now separated them.
The only thing he could mutter was, "What are you doing here?"
"Choose me," was all that left her lips.
At last, she woke up. Her life was exactly as it had been. No flight had been taken, her bank account was still full, and no knowledge of her existence was thought of by him. He was unaware of how she felt and what she fantasized about doing. She wanted to have the courage to board that plane more than anything; however, another day of work and school awaited. She climbed out of her warm bed, proceeded to the bathroom, and began another day of repetition.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Apathy.
If I thought that I could write something interesting right now, I would.
The truth is, nothing critical/interesting/fun has happened in my life lately. I'm in a funk, I suppose.
Nothing has excited me. Nothing has made me happy. Nothing has made me sad. Nothing has really made me feel anything besides apathetic. A long time ago, I wrote about how I wish I could make my feelings disappear. Well, they have. I really haven't felt much of anything in the past few weeks. I haven't been driven to write, or to draw, or to laugh, or anything.
I guess you get the picture. The truth is, when I made that wish, I was beyond sad. It was grief, heartbreak, and loneliness. And now, I can't feel anything. So the conclusion that I'm trying to get to right now, don't make a wish like that. It hurts more than anything to not feel at all.
The truth is, nothing critical/interesting/fun has happened in my life lately. I'm in a funk, I suppose.
Nothing has excited me. Nothing has made me happy. Nothing has made me sad. Nothing has really made me feel anything besides apathetic. A long time ago, I wrote about how I wish I could make my feelings disappear. Well, they have. I really haven't felt much of anything in the past few weeks. I haven't been driven to write, or to draw, or to laugh, or anything.
I guess you get the picture. The truth is, when I made that wish, I was beyond sad. It was grief, heartbreak, and loneliness. And now, I can't feel anything. So the conclusion that I'm trying to get to right now, don't make a wish like that. It hurts more than anything to not feel at all.
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