Scream.

I got in a fight with my best friend tonight. I know it wasn't the only thing that I was mad about, but I won't go into details. All I know is, is that crying to the beat of Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" was a first for me. I was angry, I was frustrated, I was sad, I was every bad emotion you could think of. I cried and cried for the main portion of my ride home (about 15 minutes), and trying to drive with blurry eyes produced quite a challenge. So I stopped, for the sole purpose that I couldn't drive. I pulled into the gate and rounded the corner, and screamed. I screamed for everything I've felt for the past 5 months. I screamed for my unhappiness. I screamed for my anger. Most of all, I screamed for myself. As Spike Milligan said, “Listen, someone's screaming in agony - fortunately I speak it fluently”.

When it comes to confrontation, I will always turn the opposite way and run. When I get mad at someone, I will always feel guilty. No matter who's right, who's wrong, I will feel guilty. It's inevitable.

I want to scream, I want to yell, I want to voice every bottled up emotion that I've ever felt, but I can't. Why can't I do this? I want to yell at everyone who has pissed me off. I want to look them in the face and tell them how much I hate them for what they did to me. I want them to understand. The fact that I never will be able to do that, pains me to no end. I will stay quiet. I will let the storm pass, and I will eventually act like nothing went wrong. I will be a ghost. I will disappear. And then? Then, maybe you'll miss me.